Back to Art 2019

A few years ago I gave my oil paints away because I had had enough with trying to create something visually that people wanted to buy. I gave up. Now, I have renewed interest in getting back into art as a way to calm my raging soul. Well, okay, so my soul isn't raging, but I just thought it sounded more dramatic than I miss creating. I've been in a slump with my writing since 2018 was the punch-to-the-gut year of rejections left and right. Every rejection I received came with a personal note to me from the editor or agent as to why they were passing on the project. All pointed out strengths in the writing and what they liked, but when they pointed out the flaws it sent me into a tailspin. I want my writing, like my art, to be perfect. I'm seeing just how far from perfect that I am. I don't like seeing my non perfection. I wish things were different. I wish someone would have picked up my books--yes, books. I wish I would have sold more art so I would feel like continuing. I've come back to it, but will I run away again if all is not perfect? If I'm not selling? I think as long as I am selling I will continue with art, but that cannot be true because I am beginning again and not selling yet. I'm riding high on the anticipation of future sales. (I wouldn't put too much stock into future sales. Isn't just the exercise of creating a piece payment enough?) It should be but it isn't.